All That I'm Living For
by Eighth Row Pawn
Summary: A heartbroken Elladan, mourning the loss of his mother, poses Glorfindel with a question that spurs a story the golden haired warrior has not shared in a long time.


"Glorfindel, where is your naneth?" Elladan asked as he stared quietly out the window, sitting on the railing of the balcony in Glorfindel's room. Glorfindel looked up in surprise from where he was sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the room.

It had been only a few short months since the fair Celebrían had sailed for the Undying Lands, her spirit unable to be appeased by Elrond's skilled hand. Elladan had been spending a great amount of time in Glorfindel's company as he and his brother recovered, having favoured the golden hair elf's company more than usual in recent days. Closing the book he had been reading in the silence as he allowed Elladan his thoughts, Glorfindel tilted his head curiously.

"Why do you ask, Elladan?" he asked, already suspecting the answer but hoping to get Elladan speaking. He had always been the quieter of the two, but lately he had gone all but mute.

"Did she die? Or did she leave you of her own accord?" the more serious of the twins asked, and Glorfindel swallowed, bowing his head sorrowfully. So that was it. Elladan was feeling abandoned by his mother. He supposed it was only natural. A mother leaves her family, her children, unable to find happiness, and the family might wonder where they went wrong when they were not at fault at all.

"Neither," Glorfindel replied, choosing to pursue the topic that the young elf had started in the hopes that he might continue talking. Elladan glanced briefly over at Glorfindel, the faintest look of envy at the word that would bring any to assume Glorfindel's childhood had been happy and peaceful with his parents.

"An uneventful childhood then," Elladan spoke, but Glorfindel shooks his head.

"No," he replied once more, and Elladan shifted around and let his legs hang over the side of the railing as he watched his friend and mentor carefully.

"How do you mean no?" Elladan asked, and Glorfindel continued, seeming to change the subject abruptly as he posed a question in answer.

"Elladan, do you know of the story of the Awakening of the Elves?" he asked, and Elladan frowned in confusion for a moment before shaking his head. Glorfindel smiled and continued, ruffling his hair as he used to do with the boy had been an elfling. "It is time for a history lesson then," he replied and chuckled as Elladan wrinkled his nose slightly.

"In the beginning when the world was still young and Middle Earth had not yet seen the light of the Sun, the Elves awoke on the shores of Middle Earth. All was dark and the only light in the sky was the stars above. There the first Elves lived for a time in contentment, learning of themselves and the world," he explained, and was pleased to see Elladan listening intently, despite his initial reaction to a 'history lesson'.

"There was no Sun or Moon?" he asked, and Glorfindel shook his head. Elladan chewed his lip as he contemplated Glorfindel's words and tried to piece together how this fit into their previous conversation. "Why is the story not in the history books?" the young lord asked, and Glorfindel smiled sorrowfully.

"Because those that remember such a time, those that could pass such stories on have long since faded from memory," he replied after a moment.

"Then how do you know it? And why have you brought it up? I asked about your mother, not for a history lesson," Elladan snarled, suddenly angry. "If you do not wish to answer my question, then just say so. Don't change the subject and waste my time with stories," he said, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall as he looked away from Glorfindel.

Glorfindel watched Elladan calmly, his outward appearance seeming unaffected by the sudden outburst. Cautiously he took a deep breath and entered a topic that he had not brought up to anyone in quite some time. Many thousands of years, infact, if not more.

"I haven't got a naneth," he stated simply, watching Elladan's face for a reaction. Confusion, the expression Glorfindel had expected, flashed across the young elf's face as Elladan gave his full attention to the blonde warrior, and Glorfindel smiled softly. How to explain such a story as the one he had set himself up for telling?

"I know the story because I was there," he added, and Elladan's face took on a note of surprise and shock, as if he was not entirely sure how to respond to this statement. "You asked about mother, yes, but I don't have one," he continued with a tone that indicated he wasn't entirely sure about this topic, but found himself compelled to pursue nonetheless.

"But that's impossible," Elladan interjected, shaking his head and holding up a hand to pause Glorfindel's speech. "If what you say is true, then you would ancient. Older than anyone in this world," Elladan said, and Glorfindel chuckled lightly.

"I don't look it, I know. I suppose time has been... good to me in that regard," he said, and Elladan slid down off the railing for fear he would fall off it. Staring at Glorfindel in shock, as if seeing him in an entirely new light, Elladan approached hesitently.

"Then you were one of the first of the Ñoldor?" he asked, and again Glorfindel shook his head, an almost amused smile on his lips.

"I was once one among the Vanyar, golden haired and full of a love for poetry and culture. Did you never wonder why my hair was gold and your father's people were dark?" he asked, and Elladan shrugged.

"Grandmother has golden hair, and mother's was even lighter. Ada used to call her his Silver Queen," he mused, and Glorfindel nodded.

"There are exceptions, such as the Lady Galadriel, but I am not one," Glorfindel explained. "I was Vanyar and Vanyar I remained until the taking of the Silmarils. I have told you of the Doom of the Ñoldor, have I not?" he asked, and Elladan nodded silently. Glorfindel copied Elladan's nod and closed his eyes briefly, the fearful words of dread sounding fresh in his mind as the day they were spoken.

i"Tears unnumbered ye shall shed; and the Valar will fence Valinor against you, and shut you out, so that not even the echo of your lamentation shall pass over the mountains. On the House of Fëanor the wrath of the Valar lieth from the West unto the uttermost East, and upon all that will follow them it shall be laid also. Their Oath shall drive them, and yet betray them, and ever snatch away the very treasures that they have sworn to pursue. To evil end shall all things turn that they begin well; and by treason of kin unto kin, and the fear of treason, shall this come to pass. The Dispossessed shall they be for ever."/i

Glorfindel opened his eyes again as he recalled the old days and continued the story that he had begun, suddenly aware that Elladan had moved closer, sitting eagerly at his feet as he had as a child when Glorfindel would tell him stories before bed. As he looked down at the life within the young elf's eyes, Glorfindel felt glad that he could distract the young lord from his pain, if only for a moment.

"I was among them when the Doom was placed, and I followed them back to Middle Earth from whence I had come. I left behind the Vanyar and adopted the identity of the Ñoldor and with it their fate," he said solemnly, looking down into curious eyes as Elladan sat at his feet and took in the information he was being given.


End file.
